


Support Group

by orphan_account



Series: Inclinations [5]
Category: due South
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexuality, Gen, POV Outsider
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-30
Updated: 2012-01-30
Packaged: 2017-10-30 08:21:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/329732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part of a series of stories working off this prompt from a "due South" kink meme:<br/>"F/K. They are best friends and flatmates, and Fraser is asexual. Ray is not, and he pines."<br/>This story posits that Fraser might be doing some pining of his own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Support Group

**Author's Note:**

> I've been writing this prompt from Ray's point of view, as the sexual person in love with an asexual person (Fraser). I'm starting to move toward writing about how Fraser feels about all of this, but for now I'm still working the outsider's viewpoint.  
> I have gotten so much encouragement and thoughtful commentary on this series from people that it really blows me away. I want to thank all of you for that, and I hope I'm taking this series in a direction that works.

I sometimes go to the Asexuality Visibility Support meetings. Sometimes. In trying to figure out how I feel about sex, I’ve pretty much run the gamut.  Sex in itself held no appeal, but everyone seemed to think it was a Very Big Damn Deal.  So I tried it with guys, and it was…okay.  Nothing to kill or die for.  I tried it with women, and again, nice enough, but not exactly any kind of ship that would launch a thousand…anything.

I tried more esoteric paths.  The formality of the negotiations in the BDSM community were interesting, compelling even, but made me feel more like an anthropologist, with an emphasis on "observer" rather than "participant."

It’s not like I didn’t get anything out of all of this.  I had a few orgasms, but really, the most efficient way for me to get an orgasm was self-provided.  I heard about a new movement, that there were some people who self-identified as “asexual” and that sounded more _right_ to me than anything else I’d ever heard.

I’m not really much of a joiner, but I went to a support group meeting.  Quite a few other newcomers were there, all of them insisting that they were also not “joiners.”  There’s probably a paper in that somewhere.  I hope someone writes that paper, because I think this is an underserved area.

Anyway, the group leader introduced herself and encouraged each of us to talk about why we were there.  When my turn came, I mumbled something about not being sure about anything, including being a part of a group like that, and then about how I’d tried everything and was pretty sure I was…nothing.

Janine, the group leader, and several others, were very vocal about telling me that “nothing” was a Bad Word.  I wasn’t “nothing,” they told me. I was like them, special, sure, different, definitely, but definitely “something.”

There was this one guy, and I remember him because he was so…perfect.  In appearance, I mean.  I’ve always had a bit of trouble with faces, but I’m pretty sure he was in the Cary Grant mold of handsome.  You’d think he’d have a dozen girls or guys on a string, but apparently he didn’t want that.

When he told his story, we were all riveted.  Sure, our apparent commonality was a lack of interest in sex, but everyone loves beauty and charisma, and this guy had both to spare.

“I have a partner,” he said.  “I work with him, and we share an apartment.  He loves me….”  And here the guy teared up a bit.  “He loves me so much, I know he’d die for me, and I love him, I’d die for him, but he’s sexual.”

A few people murmured in sympathy.  I still wasn’t sure what it was all about.

“Ray, my partner, my friend, is everything any sane man could want,” he continued.  “He’s kind, he’s funny, he’s smart, he’s loyal, and….”  Again, the guy broke down a little, but visibly pulled it together.  “As I said, he loves me.  I know that part of his love is sexual, and if I could give him that, I would.”

And the guy stopped talking.  I guess he figured he’d said all there was to say.  Janine prodded him gently.

“Has he ever asked you for anything?”

The man rubbed his thumbnail against his eyebrow for a second before continuing.  “No.  Nothing like that, nothing so crude.  In fact, I was the one who offered.”

He paused for a few moments, and then seemed to realize that we wanted some kind of elaboration.

“I’ve known of his desire for me for awhile now.  One night, we were watching a movie and he seemed so…frustrated…that I offered to help him out.”

A few people were nodding sympathetically.  I didn’t quite get it.  So his roommate was in love with him, and this guy had offered him some kind of…what, blowjob?  Handjob?  More?  What’s the big deal? 

“He rejected my offer, quite rightly,” the guy said.  I wondered what there was to reject.  Jesus, I once blew a guy because he wired my speakers and found the audio sweet spot.  (He didn’t ask me to do that; it just seemed…courteous.)

The handsome guy went on about how his friend “rightly” saw his “offer” as “condescending,” and…I don’t even know.

Later, I would learn that some of us are both asexual and aromantic (that would be me) but some have no interest in sex yet still feel romantic love.  I guess this guy was like that: he didn’t want to have sex with his friend/partner/roommate/whatever, but he wanted to be with him in all other ways.

I never went back to that particular group.  There were a lot of people there like the handsome guy: torturing themselves because they had people they loved to distraction, but for some reason, they couldn’t give them that one little thing.  And it’s such a silly little thing.  Maybe it’s different for guys, but if I ever actually fall in love with someone (unlikely), and he or she wants that from me, I’ll figure out a way it to give to him or her.

Unless he or she is demanding enough to want me to be more than compliant and accommodating.  If they want full-on participation from me: body, mind and soul, well, they’re fishing off the wrong pier.

I guess that was the handsome guy’s problem; he wanted to be all of that for his friend.  And his friend wanted all of that from him.

Well, the day that every person in the world lines up perfectly with their soulmate….

Oh, fuck it.  I’m a cynical bitch, but I really would like for the handsome guy and his friend to line up perfectly.  For myself, I’d just like to find someone who thinks of sex as an inconvenience at best, but who loves the White Sox, _Ghostbusters,_ deep dish pizza and Parcheesi like I do.

Maybe someday, we’ll all get what we want, or near enough as makes no difference.

 


End file.
